Its been awhile I kept in me. I know it perhaps would have stirred ppl who have known me years, perhaps puzzled for how i am a failure in expressing myself saliently. This is just me, however insofar as i tried to change, i surrendered of how discrepancy meant in this world. There’s no second me, but myself. Some ppl think i’m that, some may think I’m this, and some think that i’ve changed…Yes i agree i”ve changed, but its for good for myself.
Of late, i’ve been frustrated. Getting easily frustrated of myself, and things that get to me. I wonder why i can’t be just like other ppl to strive wat aimed. Yes, I am comparing myself, but its another view of challenging myself to capture a victory. I cannot make that to happen however much i tried. Idea is there perhaps, but way is incorrect? No, i tried to alter, and each time alter i adhere to it, but to no result. It stil ended up the same. I cannot understand why izzit so hard for me to achieve wat others can achieve. Am i being too absorbed by the imitations of others that i lost my self’s steps? I am not sure..
I lost my self dignity and lost of respect to myself. It deteriorates, til to a level of confidence which welcomes oppression others on me. I grow become weaker n weaker. Yes i am aware, but i’ve already trapped in this hole. A hole which no one is able to get me out. Yes yes, there is one – myself.
Exams is around the corner, and I am still pondering of how am i going to get through this. I did look beyond that once a while, but still ultimately it comes to this dot- exam. Only i realise those are yet for me to think about..Stil loads of uncertainties.
Ppl say growing to be man is difficult. It can’t be learnt overnight and by teaching. Its by self experience. I agree to 101%. Perhaps i hope i am right by not self-comforting that i am in the process of doing so.
Oh god,I do believe in You. I admit all these had shuddered my believe in You. My gut feelings tells me to hang on believing in You…
But, I am not sure how long i can hang on…